Re: Calling Prayer Warriors!
Thanks for your prayers guys. I keep trying to bear in mind that Jesse might not even be who God has planned for me, if anyone. Until I hear it from God, though, I’m not giving up.
Things went way downhill that night, with him saying things like he didn’t feel that I loved him anymore, and that he wondered if I enjoyed watching him suffer, and that worse than the physical pain he was feeling, he felt that I had betrayed him by placing someone else ahead of him. He told me that he wasn’t just mad at God anymore, he was mad at me too, and if I meant to continue on my chosen path, he couldn’t guarantee that he’d still want to marry me when the time came. That degenerated into wondering out loud if he even wanted to be with someone who could allow him to suffer and do nothing to try to stop it.
I realize how childish, spoiled and manipulative this all sounds and I make no excuses for him, but this isn’t his normal mode of behavior. He is an insomniac whose problem with depression has steadily worsened since this all started. When he’s depressed and hasn’t been able to sleep, this side of him comes out. He admitted to me the next day that while he had been thinking those thoughts, he had exaggerated how badly he felt them.
The yesterday we sat down and talked it all out – again. He doesn’t want to end our relationship and is once again behind me doing his best to support me in ‘my life choices’, but he can’t promise that conflicts like this won’t happen again, and he isn’t promising that he will try to build his own relationship with God – just that he will consider it and try not to close himself off from the possibility. This leaves us on shaky ground, but I’m not giving up and will continue to fast, pray and pour my heart out to God for him.
Just please keep us in your prayers. My home is such a spiritual battleground right now, and I sometimes feel that I see evil influences making trouble everywhere I look.