abuse,fostercare,teenage pregnancy,drugs,prostitution etc
September 14, 2010 at 8:37 pm #22590
Id like to share my testimony with you as I want it to encourage those who have lost loved one’s to keep praying and those who are desperately seeking release may this encourage you and increase your faith in a loving Abba Father who for nothing is impossible.
My first four years of life where brought up in poverty and abuse(sexual and neglect) starvation being locked away. The police came and rescued us and I got put into foster care with my brothers at four yrs of age, eventually loosing them to other families on the way.
I grew up not having the tender touch of a mother or a father as I was moved into a different home nearly every year so my education was greatly affected. I got adopted at 10yrs but the best years of my childhood was spent in rejection, lost and alone. Feeling I must be ugly as nobody seemed to want me or love me. Fearful and tormented with nightmares almost every night this manifested on my skin as having gross psoriasis all over me. I ran away at 13-14yrs living with friends on the streets doing things that young girls shouldn’t be. I moved in with my Christian adopted aunty and uncle who showed me unconditional love which was something I never did or had experienced. My childhood pain was great and depression was deeply set unable to communicate my feelings not knowing who I was or how I was meant to be causing me to seek love and acceptance in all the wrong places.
I became pregnant at 15 then again at 16 and had two children (Mark and Marcelle) by the time I was 17. Unready and unable to parent but determined never to do what my mother did to me I hung onto them even though it wasn’t for their benefit as I had major anger issues. I was addicted to smoking and marijuana from the age of 14 and got involved in all the wrong relationships with men who where drug dealers and in and out of prison. Having no love for myself or respect, I naively got into prostitution at the age of 18 for three to four years in escort agencies and brothels away from my home town, wanting a better material life for me and my children, also to feed my habits.
How God reached me was dramatic, and ended my life of prostitution He first heard my scream for help as my kids where trapped in a room full of flames, in 2001. I was lucky to of been awoken by them (my kids) considering my babysitter had left early at 6am the fire started at around 7am Id just rolled in at 6am intoxicated extremely with drink and ganja falling asleep straight away never mind the smoke of two bedrooms and half of mine well underway heavens know how my son managed to wake me. They could of saved themselves but later said “but mummy you would of died”.
Mark waking me up was the first miracle, I put my hands through flames but couldn’t find them as because when I opend the window this caused a vacuum to make all things black with smoke, I ended up fainting out of the two storey window. So finding myself outside I screamed to the heavens “Don’t let this happen” God heard my cry to save them even though I was blind to Jesus, and answered me by going deep into my heart and saying stuff I knew could only be God. My heart replied and He saved them by bringing the firemen through within inches of the roof collapsing in on my children, the fireman came and told me this. It was on radio in the local newspaper and on Anglia news.
So most of my friends and people found out.
I gave my heart to God in the hospital chapel, hands bandaged and in a wheelchair unable to open my eyes due to smoke. I was so thankful, as there was no way I could of lived with myself if my children had of died, considering what kind of mother I had been to them. My daughter nearly died and had to have a skin graft, my son has a scar near his appendix, but God put His angels around them. As Marcelle my daughter has very fine hair and one single hair could of caught but didn’t. I went back to the room and everything around the bed where they hid was incinerated. Angels guarding.
I tried to walk the Christian walk as I was so thankful to Him, but I started thinking maybe this God I heard was more that just the bible after a few years, not being able to give up ganja and sex before marriage….I wanted to “open my mind” think “outside the box”
I didn’t want to believe in a God who could and would send people to hell so I thought Id join them If that was the case.
I got into new age and witchcraft then illegal raves almost every weekend and lsd and mushrooms, ketamine for 5 yrs, utter waste, considering my kids had been saved for me to do right by them. I was utterly lost and condemned. The last prayer I wrote was “don’t let us go Lord.”
And the last thing I thought I heard Him say was ” I can never be separated from His love” And I took that as an excuse to go and party it up. The last trip on lsd I had after five yrs of serious drug abuse, was in hell for six hours, Id had trips before that where dark and light but never as dark and as real as this. In hell I was trying to excuse my unloving actions on my childhood or this or that but my own heart was condemning me. I was suffocating, and so thirsty to death, in rancid mess and fire, tormented forever… I really thought I was gone, separated from love forever. With a tormented remembrance that ALL I needed was love the hole of darkness I was lost in was too extreme, the loss of total hope was the utter torment of hell all my memories of darkness and sin where haunting me, something like a vacuum in my being constantly sucking me dry, my bones being twisted round and round like a coil on a clog, up to breaking point and then absolute pain and terror going round and round completely doomed forever in this dark rancid putrid suffocating gasping desperately constantly but never getting air with a complete and utter thirst beyond madness. My body crinkling up with death like a dried up leaf theres really no words to explain this experience to the extent of how I encountered it. And I wouldn’t be sharing it If I hadn’t had this confirmed as a divine revelation of hell.
Thankfully though after hours of this, the trip wore off, and a voice guided me to concentrate on my heart, and I then had a vision that I was driving a vehicle on a bending road and I was trying with all my strength to pull the steering wheel straight to drive straight but couldn’t. The straight and narrow path? Then back in reality fully I made up my mind to love so I don’t send myself to hell because of my own guilt. But I couldn’t love how I needed to, I had a guilt list written on paper crying over it, I was so blind I couldn’t see that Jesus died for people like me (sinners) even though I had originally seen the truth.
Then a few months later still trying in my own strength, I had a demonic attack! It said it wasn’t going to bother with me but go get my daughter! I’m paralysed on my bed which was shaking violently! I cried out in sheer fright for her, to Jesus. I said “Jesus!” And a voice came back to me saying ‘thought you didn’t believe in Jesus anymore?’ I then said ‘yes but I believe in God I heard Him at the house fire!’ I then said a VERY stern prayer amongst my bed shaking ‘dear God no matter what you do make me and my children face You! Amen.’
The shaking stopped I curled up and went to sleep as I was kind of used to this stuff (demonic) going on around me but not to this extreme degree! I don’t know how many hours had past but it was still dark, I got woke up to this loud whisper in my ear saying ‘CHRISTIANITY!’ It made me jolt up from my sleep and I sat straight up I then said I’m no fool I cannot rationalize that out!…
A few days later I explained all this to my Christian uncle Ken all of what had been going on and I was either ready to accept that I was mad and to go get help or the other. Ken gave me the other being a deeply spiritual man running his own Church had believed God had been speaking to me, his wife Daphne had been told to pray and intercede for my soul by God in and around these times of attack as confirmation.
I got home and my eyes became open, all my books where emanating a dark energy all my occult pictures too I looked into a mirror at myself and tore off my pentacle, I looked at my children and saw how damaged their spirits had become through my new spiritual eyes. Because of the gateways (occult rebellion, drugs) the enemy had a way in and through me and my house and had damaged us, I cried.
Me and my children got together and tore up everything occult and got rid of all of it in the bin what JOY! They where having at doing this! And I also, amazed at having no attachment to those things anymore even my tarot!
I opend my heart to Jesus sat on a cushion facing my window looking out and a bright big rainbow appeared before my very eyes! I wasn’t even aware of any rain! This happened on May 7th aged 27 in 2007 and also on my son’s birthday! What a treat considering he was the one who saved my life in the house fire. I opend up my old prayer journal from years previous now a returned prodigal and the last prayer I wrote to God was “please don’t let us go”. Our Father is faithful so very faithful! He never did let us go even though Id completely turned my back on Him like Gomer did to Hosea He still embraced me with His unfailing unconditional Love.
I’m now happily married free from addictions which the Lord freed me from straight away after being born again, and my children are alive and kicking and very well indeed Marcelle is walking with the Lord and Mark still has His journey to make, both will serve the Lord as I’m standing on His good promises- Isaiah 57;11 And your children shall be taught of the Lord and great shall be their peace.
And is my peace also now, perfect love cast out all fear and the righteous i.e. those who believe and trust in Him have rest.
Never give up on anyone the Lord is strong and mighty to save no-one is ever too far gone!
And how I needed to be saved, 9 months into my salvation I still hadn’t stop weeping, wailing, on the floor getting heart surgery every day, I just couldn’t believe how I let that devil whip me so much. How the locust had eaten so much of my life and stolen my childhood joy, I was angry sad but mainly relieved. How close I came to being lost forever is horrific, I’m just glad I had a praying aunty who heeded the voice of God to intercede for me and now I can enjoy the rest of my young life!
Never give up, God is good and faithful to honour our prayers, as He wishes none should perish.
Hell is a very real place it‘s our own guilty hearts that send us there we need His blood, so why not keep on doing good in spiritual urgency, being a perfect parent friend or lover doesn’t matter but being a praying one does.September 15, 2010 at 6:07 am #35590
Thanks for posting your testimony!!!!!! Come around the chat sometime and you can hook up with us! There are many of us who make tracks so you can get Christian EDM. I know there are a couple in the UK, but I can’t remember who.September 15, 2010 at 5:29 pm #35591
wow! what a testimony! I thought i was messed upSeptember 15, 2010 at 9:03 pm #35592
Wonderful testimony of how God can and will deliver us time and again, just like he delivered the children of Israel many occasions.October 2, 2010 at 2:59 pm #35593October 2, 2010 at 3:05 pm #35594
Thanks for posting your testimony!!!!!! Come around the chat sometime and you can hook up with us! There are many of us who make tracks so you can get Christian EDM. I know there are a couple in the UK, but I can’t remember who.
Thanks I need connections in the uk, I need someone who can make music or DJ who has a heart for reaching out to the ppl stuck in illegal rave system, I dont want to become like them but I do want to minister to lost souls via Holy Spirit with music and dance, with healings and prayers and salvation oppurtunitys on the sides, Gods given me a ford transit camper, I know He is in this, Just need music a Dj would be really good as the flow of Holy Spirit could work wonders!October 2, 2010 at 7:33 pm #35595
Such a beautiful testimony. Thank you so much for sharing. I know God will lead someone to you. Just keep praying, and it’ll become reality.October 5, 2010 at 4:13 am #35596
That is an incredible testimony. I know a girl who fell deep into the rave scene and just recently found God. In His love all is possible. Your story made me think of her testimony. God bless you.October 19, 2010 at 1:36 pm #35597
That is an incredible testimony. I know a girl who fell deep into the rave scene and just recently found God. In His love all is possible. Your story made me think of her testimony. God bless you.
Is she from the uk? Bless u mate.October 19, 2010 at 1:36 pm #35598
Such a beautiful testimony. Thank you so much for sharing. I know God will lead someone to you. Just keep praying, and it’ll become reality.
bless u too mate fanks!October 19, 2010 at 2:06 pm #35599
DJ Ryan GoodeMember
Thank You for Sharing your Testimony and being Real. May God continue to bless you , your husband, your children and every other person around you. Reading through your testimony it reminds me and takes me back to 1998 when I was going through very similar things coming up in the US Midwest Rave Scene. Glory to God for pulling us out of the darkness. when i reflect on the past. i thought i was happy at times. however when i dig deeper there is so much pain there.
now that I follow Christ. I feel truth and love that i never had until I called out to God.
Keep Reppin for the King
Much LoveOctober 19, 2010 at 9:50 pm #35600
Praise God. I pray the LORD blesses you and your children in your walk.October 20, 2010 at 9:56 am #35601
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.